


Be My Drug

by mysteriousMonarch



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Mental Disorders, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 14:07:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10572867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysteriousMonarch/pseuds/mysteriousMonarch
Summary: Sollux meets Eridan at a club during a night out with friends and can't seem to get him off his mind.  After some convincing he gets Eridan to agree to a date with him which takes an unexpected turn and leads to both of them warning the other that they aren't going to be an easy person to date.  Eridan has had a troubling past and Sollux is used to everyone leaving him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guess what? There's music that goes with this. 
> 
> Sollux's song: "Lithium" by Evanescence   
> Eridan's song: "Gods and Monsters" by Lana Del Rey

Sollux met him one night when a few of his friends convinced him to go out to a club with them. Feferi was the one that brought the unfamiliar face, she said he needed to get out and celebrate. Sollux sipped his rum and Coke as he watched the other man. Even in the dim lighting of the little club the half Korean man could tell that he looked intensely uncomfortable. He stayed glued to Feferi’s side like he had never been around other people before.

“Come dance with me Sollux,” Aradia smiled and pulled his hand.

“I don’t dance,” he told her flatly. “Isn’t it enough that I let you guys drag me here?”

“Now that you’re here you should at least try to have fun,” she insisted and gave her friend’s hand another tug. He sighed and took another sip of his drink before putting it down on the nearby table then let himself get dragged off to the dance floor.

“Why do I let you get away with these things?” Sollux questioned once they were standing among the rest of the people that had chosen to dance to the loud pulsating music being blasted by the DJ.

“Because you know I’m right and you need to loosen up,” the Latina woman answered as she began to dance in front of him. The Gemini never really knew what to do with his body in situations like these so he just sort of swayed side to side.

“What’s the deal with that guy FF brought?” he ended up asking. He had to lean close to her ear in order to be heard over the music.

“I don’t know I’ve never met him before. He seems about as happy to be here as you though,” she laughed. Sollux rolled his eyes and continued to dance with her until the song ended. By the time he made his way back to his drink at the table he had worked up a bit of a sweat.

“Hey Sollux!” Feferi greeted slightly out of breath pulling her friend along by the hand. It looked like he had just been forced to dance as well and he was looking like he had basically had it for the night. “Do you mind going with Eridan to the bathroom?” she asked. That was an unusual request.

“I’m sure I could manage goin’ on my own,” the guy, Eridan, told her but he looked like he wasn’t actually mad about her asking.

“Sure, why not?” Sollux said looking him over. He had to admit, Eridan was pretty hot in a douchey Abercrombie model kind of way. He had this perfectly styled brown hair with a chunk of his bangs bleached blond plus his face was framed by thick black-rimmed hipster glasses. He picked at the long sleeved black button down shirt that he wore underneath a dark purple dress vest. He had to have been burning up. He followed Sollux as he led the way to the dingy bathroom at the back of the club. Once they were behind the closed door the music didn’t seem as loud.

“Scared of public bathrooms?” the Asian American asked when Eridan made to go over to a stall then blanched when he looked inside and seemed to reluctantly settle for a urinal. 

“Somethin’ like that,” Eridan muttered and unzipped his pants to do his thing. Sollux turned away to give him some privacy although part of him was curious to see what the other man was packing.

“So how’d you meet FF?” Sollux asked in order to fill the quiet of the room with something other than the sound of Eridan pissing. The other man scoffed before answering.

“We grew up together,” he said sounding irritated. “Now if you don’t mind I’m kinda in the middle a’ somethin’.”

“Alright that’s cool,” Sollux grinned. “Don’t like talking and pissing at the same time. I can understand that.” He was feeling a little tipsy from the drinks he’d had so far that night and his lisp was coming out a bit harsher than normal. Eridan gave himself a few shakes then zipped up and turned around to come over to the sink Sollux had been leaning against to wash his hands. 

“I didn’t need you to come in here with me so I could have a conversation partner,” he said as he lathered his hands under the stream of water in the sink.

“Well I’d love to have a conversation with you,” Sollux said flirtatiously. Eridan frowned at him while he dried his hands.

“Why?” he questioned.

“You’re hot,” Sollux shrugged. “Plus if I’m going to get dragged here for the night I might as well have a little fun.” Eridan stared at him for a moment before throwing his paper towel away.

“How drunk are you right now?” he narrowed his eyes accusingly.

“Not at all,” Sollux answered. “Just buzzed.” The blond streaked man seemed to consider the situation for a moment before letting his guard down.

“I got dragged here tonight too so I guess you’re right. Wanna go dance or somethin’?” he asked. Sollux licked his lips and grinned. 

“Sure,” the Gemini answered. Eridan opened the door to the bathroom and Sollux followed behind him. When he looked over at the table all of his friends had been using since they arrived it looked like Karkat and Terezi were back with more drinks. Aradia made eye contact with Sollux and looked surprised when Eridan suddenly pulled them onto the dance floor. The last glimpse he got of her she was leaning close to Feferi speaking excitedly into her ear. Sollux turned his full attention to Eridan as he took him by the hand into the crowd of people then began to dance close in front of him. The way his body moved was hypnotic and he looked indescribably sexy as the colored lights from the DJ booth flashed across him.

“I don’t even really know how to dance,” Sollux nearly shouted into Eridan’s ear to be heard.

“Just move,” the well dressed man said into his ear. He stepped closer and draped his arms over Sollux’s shoulders and ground his hips into the stunned man’s. The touch felt electric and Sollux let the feeling of the bass guide his movements. By the end of the song Sollux wasn’t sure they were even dancing anymore. It was more like they were dry humping each other while making out. The song shifted into something slower which snapped them both out of it. They gave each other a sheepish look then made their way back to the table. Sollux really hoped the dim lights of the club would make their raging hard ons less noticeable.

“Looks like you two were having fun,” Aradia teased. Sollux pulled his shirt a bit lower just in case.

“How’d it go in the bathroom?” Sollux heard Feferi asking Eridan, which was even more odd than her asking him to go with him in the first place.

“Do you have to ask that here?” Eridan sounded flustered.

“I just want to make sure there wasn’t anyone in there that-”

“Fef! It was fine,” Eridan told her with finality.

“Alright. We need to start heading back home anyways. We’ve got work tomorrow,” Feferi said. “Thanks for letting us tag along with you guys!”

“No problem,” Aradia said and went over to give Feferi a hug. Sollux couldn’t help feeling disappointed that Eridan was going to be leaving so soon.

“You two live together?” Sollux asked to clarify.

“Yep,” Feferi answered enthusiastically. “Eridan moved in with me about six months ago. It’s been so great having a roomie.”

“Wish I could say the same,” Karkat spoke up and looked pointedly at the DJ booth. Sollux followed his gaze over to Dave who stood behind the booth spinning records.

“You’re just picky,” Sollux said. “Dave’s not that bad.” Karkat scoffed and took a sip of his drink. By the time the Gemini looked back over Feferi and Eridan were gone. “Shit!” he swore under his breath.

“What now?” Karkat asked.

“I didn’t even get his number before he left,” Sollux lamented.

“You could always just ask Feferi,” Aradia suggested. 

He waited a few days after getting Eridan’s number from Feferi before actually calling him. He had to have time to recover from the embarrassing conversation that had turned out to be. Eridan answered on the fourth ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey, uh, Eridan?” Sollux asked awkwardly. He wasn’t sure of exactly what to say now that he had him on the phone.

“Yes. Who is this?” Eridan demanded.

“Sollux,” he answered. “Your bathroom escort.” Eridan groaned at that and it sounded like he shifted positions.

“How did you even get my number?” he asked.

“I might have asked FF,” Sollux said unable to keep the shit eating grin off his face.

“What do you want?” he asked impatiently.

“I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get some coffee with me sometime,” Sollux said feeling slightly nervous about asking the other man out. 

“Why?”

“Because I wanted to get to know you more?” Sollux replied a bit confused. “Do you not know how dates work?”

“Of course I know how dates work,” he huffed then paused and took a breath to collect himself. “Fine, I’ll get coffee with you but this will be a one time thing. Also, I’m not payin’ for you. Random coffee shop visits are not in my budget.”

“Alright when are you free?” Sollux asked wondering what Eridan’s apparent problem was with going on dates.

“I don’t have to be at work until four tomorrow so we could make it an early thing,” Eridan said.

“How’s ten tomorrow morning sound?” Sollux asked.

“That’s fine, but it has to be that café by the new bookstore,” Eridan said.

“That’s oddly specific but sure. I’ll see then,” Sollux confirmed.

“Good. Bye,” Eridan responded then immediately hung up the phone. Sollux held his phone away from his ear and looked at the screen just to be sure. The background was on display so he put his phone down and went back to working on his computer. He was very curious to find out how his date with Eridan was going to go.

When Sollux arrived at the coffee shop a few minutes after ten the next morning he saw Eridan already sitting at one of the tables with a cup of coffee and a   
book. His hair was styled to perfection yet again and he wore a black long sleeved shirt even though it was rather warm out.

“You got here early,” Sollux commented when he approached the table.

“Well I live the next street over,” Eridan responded looking up from his book. He gave Sollux’s black cargo shorts and faded band tee a once over as he sipped his coffee.

“I guess that’s why you wanted to come here?” Sollux surmised.

“I don’t have a car so I tend to stay close to the apartment. I work within walkin’ distance too,” Eridan said. 

“I could have picked you up,” Sollux stated then realized Eridan probably would have refused the offer anyways. “Let me go order something real quick,” he said then went to stand in line at the counter. Eridan went back to reading his book for a bit but by the time Sollux returned to the table with his beverage Eridan was on the phone with someone.

“-because I used it to light that lavender candle in the livin’ room,” he was saying to whoever was on the other line. Sollux took a seat but remained unnoticed as Eridan was silent while the other person spoke.

“It’s just a fuckin’ lighter, Fef. I don’t know where in the fuck I got it!” he nearly shouted irritably. “I would use the candle lighter if I knew where it was kept. Well, see, I didn’t know that.” Eridan was silent again and Sollux sipped his drink as he eavesdropped on the curious conversation.

“Really Fef? The spoons? Go ahead and count ‘em. They’re all there,” Eridan said with a frown. “I know Fef, I understand it’s just fuckin’ frustratin’.” A pause then, “Love you too. I’ll see you later.” Eridan ended the call and put his phone away then turned his attention to Sollux. “Sorry about that, there was just a bit of a misunderstandin’,” he sighed.

“About lighters?” Sollux asked in confusion. 

“She’s very particular,” Eridan responded vaguely.

“Is that why I only get one date with you?” Sollux joked.

“No it’s because you shouldn’t date me. I’m humorin’ you with this one,” Eridan said coolly and sipped his coffee.

“Oh really?” Sollux questioned lifting his brows in intrigue. “And why shouldn’t I date you?” he challenged. Eridan played with the cup in his hands turning it around a few times before answering.

“I’m not a good person. I could end up really hurting you,” he admitted. Sollux hadn’t been expecting that sort of answer.

“Well by most accounts I’ve been told I’m a pretty big asshole,” Sollux stated. Eridan studied him from across the table for a moment.

“That’s not really-” Eridan sighed and revaluated his words. “Fef mentioned to you guys that I was celebratin’ the other night when you met me at the club. I was actually celebratin’ one year of sobriety,” he clarified. Sollux remained silent for a moment at Eridan’s serious tone. This date had certainly gotten heavy pretty fast. 

“So we just won’t let you around any booze. Is that why you looked so uncomfortable like ninety percent of the time you were there?” Sollux asked.

“That’s… not necessarily the issue, but yeah it kinda was,” Eridan answered uncomfortably.

“I still think I should decide whether or not I want to date you,” Sollux said stubbornly.

“You’re a persistent fucker aren’t you?” Eridan said in surprise. Sollux shrugged.

“You’ve given me fair warning so if I get hurt I’ve got no one to blame but myself from this point on,” the lisping man stated. The Aquarius looked at Sollux in disbelief.

“Why do you want to date me so badly?” Eridan frowned.

“You seem interesting,” Sollux decided. “Plus, as I already mentioned, you’re hot. Also, you’re not a bad kisser,” he waggled his eyebrows. “But, since we’re laying everything out on the table I should give you my disclaimer as well.”

“And what would that be?” Eridan scoffed.

“I’m bipolar in a pretty bad way. I take medicine for it but it can get rough sometimes,” Sollux told him. Eridan kept his mouth shut. He hadn’t really been expecting Sollux to deal a mental illness card. “Think you can handle that?” 

“Not really,” Eridan answered honestly. “I’ve got my own shit to deal with.” This time it was Sollux’s turn to be surprised.

“I can respect that,” Sollux nodded. “Most people give me some bullshit answer that they can take it but they usually don’t last long after they experience a down swing.”

“That’s pretty shitty,” Eridan said quietly. 

“It happens,” Sollux shrugged nonchalantly. “So you and FF seem really close.” 

“I told you we grew up together,” Eridan lifted an eyebrow at the other man wondering what he was trying to get at.

“Did you two ever date?”

“For awhile when we were kids I thought I had a crush on her but then I realized I don’t play for that team,” Eridan answered frankly.

“What kind of work do you do?” Sollux asked sipping his drink.

“I’m a waiter,” Eridan stated uninterestedly. “Is this a date or a fuckin’ inquisition?” The fingers of his right hand stroked absently over his left ones before he fidgeted in his seat and picked up his drink. Sollux chuckled and set his own drink back on the table.

“Alright, that’s fair,” Sollux grinned. “I’ll slow it down now that you’ve agreed to go on more than one date with me.”

“Which is still a god awful idea,” Eridan interjected.

“Well I’ve been sufficiently warned, and you have been too,” Sollux raised his cup in a cheers motion and smiled at the blue eyed man across the table.

By their second date Eridan seemed a bit more relaxed. The two went to dinner and a museum and Sollux didn’t ask nearly as many questions. The day of their fourth date Eridan was in front of the bathroom mirror doing his hair when his phone vibrated with a text. He washed the product off his hands and dried them before picking up his phone to read the message. It was from Sollux. All it said was, ‘not goiing out twoday.’ Eridan let out a frustrated sound and pounded out a response demanding why he was canceling so last minute. He left the bathroom to return to his bedroom and sat at his computer desk. He played solitaire while he waited for a response but when nearly an hour had passed he closed out of the game.

“Fef!” Eridan called out on his way to the living room. 

“Yes?” the Pisces asked from the kitchen. She waited by the microwave while her food heated up.

“I need to borrow your car,” Eridan said in irritation. “I need to go over to Sol’s place and kick his ass.”

“Why? What did he do?” Feferi asked curiously. 

“He stood me up that’s what,” Eridan crossed his arms.

“Really? That’s strange because he really seems to like you. Did he say why?” she asked. The microwave beeped signaling for her to take the food out.

“He’s not answerin’,” Eridan huffed. He uncrossed his arms and ran his fingers just below the knuckles of his other hand. Feferi noticed the gesture before turning around to get her food out of the microwave.

“Miss your rings?” she asked. “You always used to fidget with them.” Eridan opened his mouth as if to say something then closed it. He looked down at his bare hands.

“Yet another reminder that will always stay with me,” he said sadly.

“Not if you get new ones,” the long haired woman suggested. “One for every year you stay clean. Then they can be reminders of how far you’ve come instead of how far you fell.” She smiled warmly at her old friend.

“That sounds pretty good actually,” Eridan admitted. “Of course there’s no replacin’ the Ampora family crest ring I had. It was the most expensive and I’ll never get another like it considerin’ my father doesn’t want me in the family anymore.”

“Shoosh,” Feferi said leaving her food on the counter in favor of pulling Eridan into a bear hug. “Don’t you have a boyfriend to track down?” she reminded him.

“He’s not my boyfriend we’ve only been on a few dates,” he corrected.

“Have you told him yet?” the shorter woman looked up at Eridan with a stern look on her face.

“A few dates, Fef! I will tell him but I don’t want to go scarin’ him off.”

“Alright fine. Anyways, you may use my car,” she said granting him permission then pulled away from him to finish preparing her food. Eridan took his friend’s keys off the counter. He swooped out the door to begin the journey to his sort-of-but-not-really boyfriend’s apartment.

The building was a bit dingy on the outside but Eridan had seen worse. He knocked on the door and waited impatiently. He glanced at his phone after having waited to give Sollux the chance to get the door and knocked again.

“Sol I know you’re in there!” Eridan called out. He waited again but still didn’t get an answer so he decided to continuously knock on the door until he roused the man inside. “Sollux Captor! Open the door!” The door finally flung open in front of Eridan leaving his fist hovering in the air where he had been knocking. “It’s about fuckin’ time,” the Aquarius complained to Sollux’s retreating form. Instantly he realized that something was off about the other man. Instead of making some sort of snarky response he wandered back to a heap of blankets on the couch and collapsed onto it. The living room was a mess of clutter and dirty dishes and it looked like Sollux hadn’t showered in a few days.

“Who died?” Eridan attempted to make light of the situation to cover up his intense discomfort. The state of disarray the room was in reminded him too much of some of the places he had been to in the past. When Sollux didn’t respond Eridan moved to sit beside him on the couch. The TV was on some sort of home decorating show that Sollux kept his eyes on without actually watching it. “Are you okay?”

“Not really,” Sollux responded dully. “You might as well go ahead and leave. Thanks for trying to date me.”

“So what are you sayin’? You don’t want to date me anymore?” Eridan asked in surprise.

“I do, but you’re probably going to leave anyways. Everyone always does when I get like this,” Sollux said. His voice sounded hollow.

“Is this that bipolar you were tellin’ me about?” Eridan questioned. He almost seemed relieved.

“Yes now get the fuck out,” Sollux responded. His words lacked the venom that they normally would have.

“I’m going to clean up this mess,” Eridan stated. “You go shower before you start attractin’ vermin.”

“I’m not moving. I’m going to lay here until I die,” Sollux argued.

“I will personally force you into the tub and strip you down if I have to,” Eridan threatened. Sollux glared at him but realized that it was no use fighting because either way it seemed like he was going to be bathing. He dragged himself off the couch and locked himself in the bathroom. Eridan listened out for the sound of water running then set about tidying up the living room. By the time Sollux returned everything was in it’s proper place and picked up. “When was the last time you ate?” Eridan asked. He felt more comfortable with the room being cleaner. Sollux shrugged so the Aquarius went to the kitchen to see what he could make for him to eat. He returned with a peanut butter sandwich.

“Eat,” Eridan commanded.

“Fuck ED, I don’t want to. I’m not hungry,” Sollux whined. Eridan tore off a piece of the sandwich and pushed it into the other man’s mouth before he knew what was happening. Sollux coughed and sputtered but chewed the food anyways and swallowed. He didn’t really put up much of a fight about eating just as he submitted to bathing. He simply didn’t have the energy or will power for it.

“How long will you feel like this?” Eridan asked quietly. Sollux shrugged and continued eating his sandwich. “Well I’m goin’ to make sure you don’t die until you get better because you owe me another date,” the blue eyed man said stubbornly.

“I’ll never be better ED. This is going to keep happening over and over again,” Sollux’s voice trembled.

“Until you are back on your feet then,” Eridan amended. “Then we’ll just have to do this all over again.”

It was almost a full three weeks before Sollux was coming around to being able to resume his normal activities. During that time Eridan had found himself growing more attached to the bipolar man than he ever thought he would. In celebration of Sollux finally breaking out of his depressed state Eridan had invited him over to the apartment he shared with Feferi for dinner. The food was still in the oven when there was a knock on the door and Eridan went to answer it.

Sollux stood on the other side of the door holding a bouquet of white roses. It looked like he had actually attempted to dress nicely as he wore a black button down shirt and a pair of jeans that didn’t have any holes in them. Eridan himself wore a black and purple argyle sweater paired with dress pants.

“You brought me flowers?” Eridan seemed shocked.

“Nah, these are for FF,” Sollux smirked. “I’m just here to eat your food and leave like a normal uncivilized house guest.” He stepped inside and Eridan shut the door behind him rolling his eyes. “Of course they’re for you, ED,” the half Asian man said leaning over to give Eridan a hello kiss.

“Well I know you’re feelin’ more like yourself at least,” Eridan grumbled and took the flowers as Sollux handed them over. He looked down at them and smelled them experimentally. “No one’s ever given me flowers before,” he admitted quietly.

“It’s the least I can do to thank you for the past few weeks,” Sollux shrugged. “I usually go through it alone. It was nice having someone there for a change. How’d you get so good at taking care of people like that? I didn’t really expect it from you,” he asked as he followed Eridan to the kitchen.

“I’m just-” Eridan searched for the right words just as he searched for a vase to put his new flowers in. “I’m used to bein’ around people that are fallin’ apart,” he answered vaguely. He found a vase and filled it with water then transferred the roses to their new home.

“So FF isn’t here right now?” Sollux asked leaning against the counter as he watched Eridan place the flowers on the coffee table in the living room.

“No she’s workin’ a double. She’s goin’ to be tired as fuck when she gets home,” Eridan answered and returned to the kitchen.

“Is she still working in the ER?” Sollux asked. 

“Yeah, I don’t see how she does it,” Eridan said.

“She really likes helping people,” Sollux stated. “She’s been like that ever since I’ve known her.” 

“That’s exactly why I’m livin’ here with her,” Eridan admitted. He moved toward the fridge. “Want anythin’ to drink?” he offered as he opened the fridge and took out a bottle of wine.

“I thought you couldn’t drink?” Sollux asked as he watched Eridan pour himself a glass of wine. “But yeah I’ll have some.”

“What gave you that idea?” Eridan questioned. He grabbed a second glass and poured some of the wine for Sollux. Their fingers brushed as he handed the glass over.

“On our first date you said you had been celebrating being sober for a year,” Sollux said. “That’s why I thought you couldn’t drink alcohol.”

“Oh,” Eridan said awkwardly. “Well, I-”

The oven timer began buzzing and Eridan hurriedly put his wine glass down and reached for the potholders. “Sol, could you grab us some plates. Do you know where they are?”

“Not really but I’ll find them,” Sollux said and began opening cabinet doors in search of the plates. The kitchen was filled with the wonderful scent of the dish that Eridan had prepared and Sollux felt his mouth water. “God damn that smells good,” he told the other man.

“This’ll probably be the most substantial thing you’ve eaten in weeks now that your appetite is back,” Eridan commented. Sollux found the plates and brought two over to the stove where Eridan was putting the finished touches on the food.

“Probably,” Sollux agreed and held his plate out for Eridan to place a generous helping onto it. 

“I was thinkin’ we could watch a movie while we eat. Is that okay with you?” Eridan asked. He placed a portion of food on his own plate and grabbed two forks from the silverware drawer.

“Sure. As long as it isn’t some god awful romance movie that KK would shit himself over I’m fine with it,” Sollux said and took a fork from Eridan. The two grabbed their drinks and moved into the living room where Eridan put a movie in before settling onto the couch beside Sollux to watch it. For the most part they quietly watched the movie as they ate, only occasionally adding commentary to the events in the movie. By the time the credits began to roll the two men had long since finished their dinner and their empty plates sat forgotten on the coffee table in front of them.

“You up for another one?” Eridan asked reaching for the remote to stop the DVD.

“Actually I was thinking about having dessert,” Sollux said flirtatiously.

“I didn’t actually make-” Eridan was silenced by Sollux pressing their lips together. The Aquarius more than gladly returned the kiss forgetting all about the remote. Instead he moved his hand up to Sollux’s face to cup his cheek for a moment before sliding it back into the other man’s hair. They had kissed before, but not this passionately since their first encounter at the club. Eridan could almost taste the urgency on Sollux’s tongue when he suddenly felt it sliding into his mouth.

“Someone’s a bit eager,” Eridan teased. Sollux kissed along Eridan’s jaw and neck then returned to his mouth before responding.

“What can I say? You’re a good cook, you know how to keep me alive when I’m depressed, and you’re insanely hot,” the Gemini grinned. “How in the fuck did I manage to find someone like you?” He wasn’t expecting an answer, or if he was he was too impatient to wait to hear it. His mouth was back on Eridan’s and his hands were slipping up under his black and purple sweater thoroughly distracting him from rational thought. Like the fact that he was making out with Sollux right on Feferi’s living room couch and what if for some reason she came home early? That would be a bit embarrassing.

The next thing Eridan knew, he had a lap full of Sollux grinding down on him and he was unbuttoning the heterochromatic man’s shirt. Once fully undone, Sollux shed the item of clothing leaving it in a heap on the floor in front of the couch. Sollux pushed Eridan’s sweater up his chest and Eridan took the hint pulling it the rest of the way off. Sollux’s hands explored Eridan’s bare chest as their tongues continued to explore each other’s mouths. A well-aimed movement of Sollux’s hips had Eridan moaning into his mouth and he moved his hands over Sollux’s thighs and rested them on his hips.

“We should,” Eridan began before taking a moment to gather the rest of his thoughts. He bit his lip and rolled his hips up one last time to meet Sollux’s then gently pushed the man off his lap. “We should really stop,” he said reluctantly. His face was flushed and he was painfully hard but he knew he had to stop.

“What? Why?” Sollux demanded. “I thought you wanted this,” he said in confusion.

“Fuck, I do. I want it so fuckin’ bad but I just- ugh,” Eridan groaned in frustration and brought his hands up to the sides of his face.

“What happened there?” Sollux asked pointing to Eridan’s arm. He had noticed several round scars dotting Eridan’s forearm and realized a moment later that he had never actually seen the other man’s bare arms before. Eridan was always wearing long sleeves every time he saw him.

“This?” Eridan asked holding out both his arms to show Sollux the numerous scars dotting down his forearms. Some were darker than others and some had lines running underneath them. It was like a constellation almost.

“They’re here too,” Eridan flipped his left hand over to show Sollux the top of it where there were a couple of scars he had already seen. “And I’ve got some on my foot.”

“What the fuck is it?” Sollux asked shifting to adjust himself in his pants to make it less uncomfortable with his arousal.

“It’s actually the reason I can’t just fuck you into this couch even though that’s all I want to do,” Eridan sighed shakily. “You were askin’ me earlier what it is I’ve been sober from and it’s this,” he shrugged his arms to gesture towards the scars. “I’m a heroin addict. Well I was. I’ve been off it for a little over a year now.”

“Holy shit ED,” Sollux was nearly speechless. He stared at the scars a bit harder now that he knew what they were and they made more sense. Every one of the dots was in a place near a visible vein. “Now it makes more sense that you were saying you have your own shit to deal with. Honestly, I couldn’t figure out what you meant since you share an apartment with your best friend and seem to have a stable job.”

“I only live here because I have no where else to go. I was homeless when Fef tracked me down. My father kicked me out and wants nothin’ to do with me,” he crossed his arms and held them close to his bare chest. He looked broken and vulnerable. Sollux reached out to take one of Eridan’s hands to comfort him.

“That’s really shitty of him. He didn’t want to help you?” Sollux asked softly. Eridan scoffed.

“My father is a very important man. He’d rather shut me out of his life than admit he has a son that’s an addict. Besides, I did a lot of fucked up shit when I was usin’. I stole a lot of expensive stuff from his place while I was livin’ there.”

“Jesus ED,” Sollux lisped. He rubbed circles with his thumbs over Eridan’s hand. “You’re a better person now though. You got clean. That’s really good of you.”

“It was so hard,” Eridan said with pain evident in his voice. “Fef hadn’t heard from me for almost a year and started worryin’ about me. I flunked outta college because I got hooked. The people I was hangin’ around kept dyin’ from overdose. Fef managed to find me not too long after I woke up next to the person I was closest to and found him dead.” Eridan choked up and averted his eyes to look anywhere but at Sollux. He hated thinking about that time. It was the lowest point he had ever reached and the memory haunted him in the form of nightmares.

“You don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to,” Sollux offered. “It’s okay.”

“No,” Eridan shook his head. “I already got this far. I want you to know,” he persisted. “It scared the hell outta me because we both shot up together and I thought we had taken the same amount. I don’t know, he could have taken some oxycodone before we met up that day and maybe that’s what did it, but shootin’ up with someone and then bein’ the only one to wake up afterwards… it could have been me. I wasn’t datin’ him or anythin’ but I did care about him and we fucked on the regular. It just really fucked me up you know?” he finally looked back up at Sollux’s brown and blue eyes.

“You’ve seen a lot of horrible shit,” Sollux agreed and brought Eridan’s trembling hand up to his lips. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“The worst part is, all a’ that shit is goin’ to follow me for the rest of my life. The fucked up memories and the scars. I still want it, Sol. To this day I still want so badly to just take one more hit. I wish there was somethin’ I could take that would make the cravin’ go away.”

“Well that’s the problem in the first place isn’t it? Drug dependency. You would just be taking one to get rid of the other,” Sollux reasoned.

“There is one thing that I have to take for the rest of my life. I guess this right here is the deal breaker for you,” Eridan admitted quietly.

“Why do you say that?” Sollux asked.

“I take antiretroviral therapy, Sol. I’m HIV positive.”

“Oh.”

There was a long stretch of silence between them and Sollux continued holding onto Eridan’s hand. He didn’t want to risk sending the wrong message by letting go. He had to take a moment to seriously consider everything Eridan had just said. To be fair, the Aquarius had warned him against getting involved with him. It was only now that Sollux realized how serious that warning had been. Eridan hadn’t been lying when he had said he could end up hurting Sollux. There was always a chance Eridan could give in to the temptation and start using heroin again. There was also the very real possibility that if they weren’t careful enough, he could also become infected with HIV. Against his better judgment he couldn’t help but suddenly feel frightened thinking about all the times he had kissed Eridan. He felt guilty for thinking that way and tried to push it from his mind. Despite everything he still wanted to find a way to make this work. He was already too emotionally invested in the other man.

“What do I need to do?” Sollux asked.

“What do you mean?”

“What do I need to do to stay safe?” the Gemini rephrased his question.

“You mean- you actually still want to stay?” Eridan asked in surprise. Sollux leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Eridan’s lips.

“You make sure I stay alive during my downswings and I’ll make sure you stay sober,” Sollux offered his crooked grin.

“We are some fucked up individuals, you know that?” Eridan pointed out.

“Yeah, but together we aren’t too bad,” Sollux agreed and leaned in for another kiss.


End file.
